The day…better yet the last 60 days have been extremely difficult for me. But I’m a true fighter but most importantly I trust God in the Good, bad, uncertain and questionable moments. I look over my shoulder and I’m reminded that every journey begins with a single step. (Hence what my tattoo says)

It has been 3 1/2 years and I am still walking in my journey and walking in it afraid. “Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil” {psalm 23:4} regardless of my uncertainty at times I always walk in my circumstance fearful but trusting God. I believe it’s my fear that drives me to succeed. I believe it is my fear that keeps me near God.

Even in my tears and those nights that I sit on the side of my bed unable to sleep and pace back and fourth in my apartment hallways I get a feeling that I’m not truly able to grasp, but on last nights run I was reminded of God’s true grace and mercy. I looked in the mirror last night and I saw me again. No make-up, freshly washed face, every freckle showing and my eyes gleaming and I said to myself that I am beautifully made. I said to myself that whatever it is that is coming up next for me there is and will be a reason for its happening in my life.

I hold all my pains on the inside, I suck up every ounce of frustration and I tuck it away in my temporary box until Im so full of agonizing pain that I burst open at the seams. Yes I’m flawed but I recognize that I have the most amazing support group. Because without that small cohesive unit, where would I be? That’s why it is very important that you step onto the stage to view who is exactly in your front row. It’s almost impossible to recognize those on your row, when you can only really see the person to the left of you and the person to your right. {think about it}

I use to say happy doesn’t exist with me it’s not something that just happens to someone like me. But it does… For the first time in 60 days I felt the sunlight radiate within my soul. It was the most exhilarating feeling I had in a very long time. I smile through these eyes of mines because they’ve experienced so much pain. These eyes are smiling within because I am beyond blessed in this very moment and I’ll take my moments because we all have our moments and I’ll continue to pray for continued peace, wisdom and understanding.

You have to just live in the moments and appreciate where you’ve been and embrace where you are going. You are definitely in control of the story you write and the roads you take on your journey. You just can never give up on YOU because you story is be written to help someone else and your roads travel will become detours for others. Why? because experience is a good teacher right? Unknowingly your paving a way to entirely structured road with a better footing and foundation for someone else. Sounds far fetched? Yeah I thought so to until I looked at those who paved a wave for me. Those who have supported and still support me and uplift me and share with me there stories. It’s possible! Just breathe and feel the sun.

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